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Let’s Make Fun Of: Anthropologie Furniture


I love to hate Anthropologie furniture. In particular, the way they stage it for their website. There’s this gross fantasy they’ve created of an art student who can afford to spend thousands of dollars on a paint-splattered flea market find. It’s like all their customers are aspiring to be Charlotte in Tiny Furniture (a loft-dwelling trust fund dilettante).

They’ve gone off the deep end with the juxtaposition. You know those fashion editorials every fall where models lasagned in Prada swing around street signs in Red Hook? It’s like that, but on acid. The settings are more deteriorated and the designs are more design-y. It’s like shopping from deep within Fuck Your Noguchi Coffee Table.

If you choose to purchase a piece of Anthropologie furniture, it will only really look right in one of three settings:

1. An alternative gallery space six weeks from opening

2. An urban cabin with faulty electrical wiring

3. A crumbling Southern plantation (soon to be deemed “the new loft” by the NYTimes)

Let’s take a stroll through the Anthropologie furniture section together. What’s for sale today?

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No one understands how difficult it is to get symmetrical eyebrows

I knew that struggle well.

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My mother asks what my favorite costume was

"The smile I put on everyday" I reply

The Cure starts playing in the background as every flower within a 4-block radius wilts and dies.

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